Musician Kaina on stepping back when you need to

How long have you been making music?

I’ve been performing since I was nine. So that means, officially, 21 years—wow. I just turned 30. That’s really nuts. That gives me a lot of perspective. It means my artistic self is a 21 year-old and she wants to party. It’s giving me insight.

What is something you wish someone told you when you first began to make art?

I feel like being in the music industry was something I did full time for five years—that started around 2019 when I released my first album. But at that time, I wish that someone had told me to listen to my voice and gut more.

Industry is a byproduct of your art and yourself. It is not what art is. So treating it as such, you can get wrapped up in what everyone thinks is supposed to happen, but when it all comes down to it, you’re the person in charge of it, of your voice and how it’s used, and how much you commit to so think that’s something I wish I knew earlier on,

What do you define as success and what do you define as failure?

That’s a tough question. Right now, I feel like in consideration of thinking of my creativity as a 21 year-old, if I’m thinking of creativity as a person, they’re just trying to survive, just like I am.

So it’s difficult to think about success with creativity, because it ebbs and flows, and it’s kind of like a relationship you have with someone. So I think right now my creative self is rejecting notions of success or even failure. Because right now the world is what it is. It’s atrocious and difficult for everyone and so I can’t even imagine thinking of it as existing as success. It’s just existing and living. I think that the win in creativity is feeling creative at all. Right now, it feels really rough to connect to that part because we’re all just trying to get through a moment and survive.

You’re on hiatus, and it seems like you’ve really prioritized taking care of yourself. Would you say that this is a period of rest for you?

Definitely. It’s really hard to see it that way. I suddenly realized that the music industry and the chase to try to push all these things felt almost like a poison in my body. And it feels like you win the lottery. These things are working and then you’re like, “holy shit, it’s still the lottery.” It’s temperamental, it’s not stable.

There comes a moment where you’re like, “What is this for?” I think 2020 really brought that seed in people’s mind that asks, “why are we doing the things we’re doing?” And it got to that point for me. It’s really hard to believe this moment feels like rest, because when you’re coming off of that feeling, it feels like you’re doing nothing.

If I’m not in constant motion. If I’m not in constant extraction, it feels like I’m not valuable. So it’s really a huge lesson in rewiring my brain to be like, “if I decide to do this again, it will not be under these circumstances.”

How do the financial realities of being an independent artist figure into your art?

It’s everything. I think I’ve been taking a hiatus from the music industry, because it got to a point where the industry and capitalism isn’t acknowledging that there is a body that drives the art that they’re trying to sell. So some of the situations I would be put in was, like, “do I want to go on this tour, or do I pay my rent?”

Those are things that industries aren’t taking seriously for people that are marginalized. Finances are everything. I’m a person, and then comes what I’m able to spend on. I think it’s something that a lot of younger people don’t think about. I certainly didn’t think about it when I was younger, the fact that at the end of the day, you’re still someone who’s going to need to provide for yourself.

So when it feels like some industry people are saying that you need to give that stability up for your art to make it work and successful, it’s just an awful place to be put in. It’s not a decision that most of us, who are indie, are taking lightly. It’s not fun to say no to something because I don’t have the money for it. I’m the one who’s suffering because of it. So it’s really difficult to be put in that position constantly.

It’s just something that is not spoken about largely or even considered by those people who are putting artists on the road or signing artists. It’s not their priority to think about how that affects you day to day.

Yeah, going into this conversation about touring, it’s so interesting to me because I remember in 2022 the rapper Little Simz from the UK canceled her tour and said something similar to the effect of, you know, it’s really difficult, as people used to make money on touring and the calculus just isn’t really there anymore, especially for smaller artists. Is there anything you think will help the music industry rethink that, or help redirect more money towards artists?

It’s really hard. I think that the music industry is super stubborn and I think this is part of the reason that I had to take a hiatus, because I got into this same situation. I felt like, this can’t be the only way. It can’t be that I am choosing between rent and going on tour, and that’s what makes a campaign successful. It’s funny, I feel like I took that step, a year before all these other artists—I remember Santigold saying the same thing at the same time that happened, a year or two after I had decided I couldn’t do that. I was a year or two ahead of people who are so much further along in the music industry or have more resources. If Little Simz or Santigold are like, “I can’t afford this.” I certainly can’t afford this.

I think a lot of that has to be about being transparent in conversations—you do need to think about who you’re signing and your power dynamic, and how this affects that person who’s going on the road. They’re leaving their home behind, they’re putting their body on the line to be on tour, and on top of that, being more open with how we put on shows. More opportunities for sliding scale, more opportunities for it to be a little bit more of an easier entry point. It’s really difficult because tickets have gone up to maybe $30 which is what it takes to maybe break even as far as finances go. Every artist does deserve that paycheck, but it’s really about the people who put on the shows, like venues or booking agents or labels being more open to creative solutions. It can’t just be, “This is the way it’s done.” I heard that a ton.

This is reminding me of the role of cities and local municipalities to support artists—the city of Chicago has an individual artist program that I think gives artists a few grand a year and they fund hundreds of artists every year.

I think the constant conversation with peers is, “Do you see how many grants Canada gets?” And there was just this announcement that artists in Ireland get paid $300 a week for being artists. That’s kind of a life changing thing. It is definitely just a culture of what we value. We’re putting money into ICE and police and bombs and disregarding art. Which is this throughline of the world as we know it. It is hitting a boiling point. It’s what we value.

What advice would you have for musicians who are just entering the industry and want to make music ?

I’ve been struggling with that. And it’s why I’ve been hesitant to maybe speak to people about where I’m at or even sometimes younger people. I don’t want any of this to be discouraging. If you have a dream and you want to go for it, you should. But I think keep in mind that it’s taxing and requires a lot of discernment that at first you don’t realize you need. If you are in a headspace where you understand that you’re hustling and it’s worth it. That’s great. But if it starts to feel like too much, I would hope that you would step away as you need.

I turned 30 and then I got a weird knee thing going on. I had to go to physical therapy. My knee is a metaphor for life, because basically it was chalked up to my knee was overworked and now it’s protesting and needs time. I think that’s what the music industry can be like if you overwork yourself or over-commit or don’t do the work to honor what you need. The recovery time for that is so much longer than it would have been to just say no to something that didn’t resonate with you.

You have to be the one that says no, you have to be the one that pulls yourself away from a moment that is not good for you.

This content originally appeared on The Creative Independent and was authored by Siri Chilukuri.